Friday, May 06, 2005

When Manikins Attack

ALBANY - In a bold move by the city of Albany, 57 Manikins were arrested yesterday and the citizens of Albany had their first good night of sleep in years. The Manikin issue has been a blight on Central Avenue for longer than most can remember. Apparently they have even taking to wearing clothes to appear human. To the TU, interviewing the new Albany Director of buildings and codes:

"We found dressed manikins out on the sidewalk"

Dressed manikins. Do you know what that does to the children? Some were even wearing those flashy tight jeans that show off all their artfully crafted curves.

The citizens of Central Avenue rejoiced:

"It's about time. I had trouble walking down the street. How many times do I have to ask them to stop staring at me before they listen?"

"Whores. They looked like whores out there in their fancy clothes with those perky tits. Burn in hell you whores. "

However, there were some naysayers. One city resident and local shop owner wasn't so sure this was the bright beacon of hope it appeared to be:

"Now that the city's done this, they have to follow-up. You can't do something like this once every 30 years."

No, you can't.

PS. I believe this is the first bit of local news to make the front page headline since this blog originated. Could that be because its an election year and Mayor Jennings needs a little help? Call me a cynic. Apparently this is much more significant than when a 14 year old girl gets hospitalized after being punched in the face by a police officer.