Wednesday, March 09, 2005

News! Give me the News!!

Times Union Offices, shortly before press time

Rex Smith: Damn you fools!! Don't any of you have some news worthy of the front page?!! I've got a paper to run here. We need to make some money so I can pay you hacks!!

Reporter: Ah, sir, how about some investigation into the fact that the Albany Police Chief admitted to lying and apparently conducted an illegal investigation?

Smith: Shut your hole! That's not a story. He lied. Big deal. Who doesn't lie?

Reporter: How about the lawsuit by the police commander that was fired for pointing out all of the corruption in the police department? Apparently he is suing the city for $6 million. The Mayor gave his deposition recently...

Smith: Do you honestly think its newsworthy to let the people of the city know they are being sued for $6 million due to the incompetance and lack of integrity in City Hall and the Police Department? Honestly?! Where did you go to school, SUNY?

Reporter: Well sir, we are at war and our troops keep dying and there is no end in sight.

Smith: No one wants to read about the war! It depresses people. For fuck's sake can't you people bring me a goddamn news story for once?!!

Reporter: The congress is about to sell out to corporate America and pass a new bankruptcy bill that along with the rest of the dismal US economy has led Warren Buffet to declare that America is headed towards a "sharecropper society".

Smith: Worthless drivel!

Reporter: How about the fact that the President is trying to phase out social security and no less than CNN have pointed out that he is blatantly misleading the public about the issue?

Smith: thptp!! Ack!!

Singelais: Sir, I think i've got it. I know we ran a story yesterday saying that the Sienna basketball coach was about to be fired but...and this is big...he actually was fired!!

Smith: Brilliant!! Singelais you are a fucking genius. The rest of you hacks could learn a lot of from this boy!!

Singelais: Who would've seen this coming? I'm mean, he won 6 games....

Smith: Front page, my boy. Front page right at the fucking top!! Yeeehaaa!! I love this news business!! Man, I'm on fire. Hot damn. Take that to the bank!!

.....

Go back to sleep Albany.